#23 - Things I don't understand about the UK...

There are a few things that have puzzled me since my arrival in London and I still haven't worked them out.

Miscellaneous
For instance, why does the deodorant/anti-perspirant need to work for 48 hours?  Camping or being somewhere without hot running water and soap for a certain period of time (like my apartment when the boiler pressure turned off) is understandable.  But if you are home and have access to a shower/bath - why?

And speaking of boilers - mine wasn't working the other night.  It was late, it was freezing and I was tired from class.  I eventually figured it out - there was a certain amount of desperation because the boiler controls both the hot water and the radiators.  Also, because I cannot get into my bed when I am dirty.

Differences in language can be amusing too.  In the US, saying someone is "spunky" usually refers to their personality.  In Australia, it refers to their appearance, in a good way.  In the UK, apparently it refers to...hm, how to put this...male bodily emissions.  So not a compliment here to say that someone is spunky.  There's also a whole thing on thongs, but I won't get into that.  Suffice to say that between the US, Australian, South African and Hong Kong interpretations of the word, it gets interesting.  The conversation in our locker room, by the way, was in reference to rubber slippers.

So - words that can cause confusion, depending on where you are:
thongs, slippers, spunky, next week (geography seems to determine interpretation).  Feel free to add any suggestions to this list because I am too tired to think of any more.

Liquid soap - they have the usual arrows (one way makes the pump pop up, the other way makes it go down and you can usually lock it down).  I haven't been able to make them work, so I just refill the one bottle that got unlocked (but a friend who lives around the corner) and refill that.  Yes, I am not smarter than my soap pump.  Who cares?

OCD is only a problem if it functions with your normal daily functioning.  I haven't done the research (if you do, I will believe you as long as your source isn't Wikipedia).  Anyway - I had tutorials for my Cuisine and Patisserie classes yesterday.  My Patisserie mentor told me to stop cleaning so much (in response to my question as to why I am so slow in class).  He said, "in the time you've taken to clean, you could have made something."  Which is true - I am going to test it next week and see if I get pulled up on it.

Am very disorganized.  Everything looks so organized, but it's all a facade.  Nowhere is it more apparent than in the kitchen when I have neglected to collect the other 3 bowls you will need when you got the first two.  It seems the chefs all have eyes in the backs of their heads.  They seem to see everything (and they talk).  Apparently they notice when we make 5 trips to the sink area to get various pieces of equipment.

Fashion - I think I am sartorially challenged.  Spending most of my time in uniform makes for a lazy attitude towards every day dressing (I walk 4 minutes to class, change, then might go out for quick dinner with friends before coming back home).  Total time spent traipsing around London in street clothes on a school day:  10 minutes - 4 hours...anyway - back to my point.  During the 4 hour window, I have seen many inappropriately short skirts.  A (male) taxi driver told me that is the fashion now.  See?  Fashion challenged - I am being told what is in by a taxi driver.  So I thought I was being a granny but one of the younger girls in my course (she turns 19 in a month) also made the comment that the girls in London dress like prostitutes.  Might be a bit harsh, but accurate nonetheless.  If you have to keep tugging the hem of your skirt/dress down (and you don't have to lean a little to do it!) then it is probably too short, and possibly too tight.

Back to food
Somehow this week has whizzed by and I now have to update more photos.

I can't make soup...no time to take pictures of my chicken and mushroom soup (the soup wouldn't thicken...but the chicken julienne was nice) or the potato and leek (?) soup with julienned vegetables (watery soup flavorwise, but the first time my julienne was acceptable)...



French Onion Soup
with burned croutons

More troubled soups:  burned croutons on the French Onion soup because I forgot about them, and soup a bit bitter because I overcooked the onions.



Beef consomme
with too-brown savory crepe

Beef consomme was still a little too oily and the crepes were too brown.  Agh!  I will never make soup!!!

Basic Breads:
Soda bread and dinner rolls

Basic bread and cakes
Went a bit better.  The bread tasted a bit boring but everyone I gave rolls and bread to seemed to like it - possibly because it was made with a certain something (like, I don't care as long as it's pretty).

Basic cakes:
Lemon cake and madeleines

Cakes - were edible.  A bit too much baking powder in the madeleines resulted in air pockets, but otherwise any stuck edges were on the side not being presented.  I tasted one madeleine and a tiny edge of the cake - the one and the edge were enough.

   





Sienna eating a madeleine

SO & Sienna came down from Oxford to visit their friend Bernice. We managed to meet for coffee before lunch - so Sienna got to do some tasting. Evidently the madeleines have met and passed kid testing - she ate three immediately.


Some research:
Comparing to my test eclairs...

    



Wouldn't you visit this store?

 

This week - more meats and stuff...

A dish to help practice butchery because my chicken fricassee was way behind schedule - where does all the time go?

Poussin with apple compote

The poussin - had problems with potatoes.  I can't cook potatoes either - this is the third time something has happened to them - I hate potatoes!  and forgot to trim the drumstick ends.

Luckily JK and ML each had some spare potatoes so I could plate because mine were not cooperating.  The apples were a bit tart for Chef J, but I thought they were perfect...cut through all the butter and cream.  Oh well - still developing the palate (is that a good thing?)

Then it was offal - yech.  I tried them in demo and told the chef that if I liked liver or sweetbreads, I would have loved the dishes.  As it was, I hated them both.  So today we had to make them...I'm not sure whether I smelled the liver or the sweetbreads while we were in the kitchen, but any residual hunger I might have had from tasting the amazing sole from demo before (on the list for next week) was completely buried.
 

Chef EB refused to taste anyone's liver because he had already done 3 classes worth of tastings today.

Veal liver
with onions & sauteed potatoes

I don't blame him - my one teeny taste yesterday was enough to turn me off liver pretty much forever.  I can confirm that my policy of refusing to eat anything that has ever been on my dissecting table (or a variation of said item) is completely sound, along with the certain discrete exceptions (i.e. fish).  So the liver was well done, as per Chef E's directions, the onions burned to a crisp and beyond repair (I checked my photos from the demo - should have stopped when I had originally stopped) and the potatoes were good except they needed more salt.  Maybe everything needs more salt because we are always so hot in the kitchen that everyone pretty much sweats buckets.  Yes, yes, I know - ladies don't sweat.  Well, we're not ladies - we're chefs!  And I defy anyone to stay cool, calm and collected (and not to sweat) when it is 40 degrees C / 100 degrees F in the kitchen with the clock ticking and the dishes misbehaving.

Veal sweetbreads with
asparagus tips and parisienne potatoes

The sweetbreads (say what?) were beyond yuck - they looked like brains.  Just because something doesn't have latex running all through it like in our fetal pig which we had to dissect for 4 weeks, doesn't mean that it doesn't smell bad or look good.  They also feel kind of rubbery, but not firm - a bit squishy, actually.  So I can make it look pretty on the outside, but this one, which was super thick, should have been cut into small escalopes, then breaded and fried.  As it was, Chef E tasted the potatoes, asparagus and jus - bitter jus and the asparagus had been peeled too much...but the potatoes were good (ok, maybe I don't suck at potatoes quite as much as I thought I did).

So we finished class on time (even me!) and everyone headed to the pub for a drink.  There was a deep sigh of relief as we started drinking down our various beverages (Coke, beer, Pimms...)  I had run out of water during the practical so have been chugging for the last couple of hours.

De-offaling...


My dinner after all the awful offal

I took the longest shower ever - getting the feel of the greasy smoke, even if only in my imagination, took forever.  Then it was scrubbing the day off before I could even think about dinner.  So - the results of looking at innards for two days in a row:  yes, I cooked.  Yes, this is kind of an attempt at presentation, but I really couldn't be bothered.  There's all kinds of fussing about to make things pretty and put them in shapes, which is fine if you are getting graded on it - or being paid lots of money to look it that way.  At home, it's just more dishes to do and I have to do my own dishes - so just as soon throw it all together.

So until next time - no more offal!

REAL Day 1 - Patisserie - Fruit salad, syrup and sugar decorations

Recipes/photos/etc.
I don't think I can put them up here.  The school has copyright over recipes and photos and I have to ask their permission first - so it is safer for me not to do anything that might cause problems.  I will share any tips I pick up though...

Fruit Salad
I hear you wondering, fruit salad?  That was my first reaction too, when a more advanced student saw us scrambling into the remainder of our uniform to get to our practical class today.

I thought, geez - all this way and I'm doing fruit salad.  Which sounds so easy until you get the chef's feedback:  your orange segments are uneven, that melon ball has a flat spot, this strawberry is not happy...I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the idea.

It all looked so easy in the demonstration.  They even had time to lecture us about all of the items in our equipment kit (yes, it actually comes with a lock, which I eventually figured out) and the different types of cuts, different temperatures for sugar work and what they are commonly used for as well as the fancy cuts for special fruit platters and the sugar caramel netting baskets and spirals for decorations.

And then we got upstairs.  Chef's first remark to me when I walked in:  You're not even dressed!  I hadn't put on my apron because I couldn't tie it and still walk (FYI, it reached from the bustline down to my ankles - it was like wearing a long pencil skirt over clown pants).  Then when I asked him how to tie the neckerchief, I got the withering answer:  You don't wear a neckerchief in Patisserie.  You only wear it in cuisine.  The result:  "Zero."  Another zero for not having my safety shoes yet (we have until Monday to get them).  Another zero for not having my scale (we have until Monday to get it).  Another zero for whoever was supposed to sous-chef for today's practical - on our induction packet class list, going in alphabetical order (so luckily not me!).  The word zero has actually ceased to have any meaning, at least for the next 24 hours.  Evidently none of us met his sartorial standard because there was a lesson in apron tying.

I also got in a little trouble when Chef caught me taking my grapes to wash at the sink.  "What, you think we would give you dirty fruit?"  Um, well...the fruit still had stickers on them so even though I didn't think so, I wasn't sure.  Plus it seems awfully spoiled not to have to wash our own fruit.  And how do I know they washed the lemons and oranges?

On the other hand, I did note that the production kitchen which makes sure the ingredients for classes are ready seems to have done a lot of the work for us (i.e. stocks, etc.).  Also, Chef F told us yesterday that usually kitchens don't have windows or as much space as we have in the various kitchens.  And we don't necessarily have to beat all the cream and eggs by hand first (thank goodness for the Kitchen Aids)!  So really, we are beyond spoiled...

Basic knife skills
What I learned today:  most accidents occur when you are cleaning/taking out/putting away your knives.  We heard this in the demonstration, in the beginning of our practical and right after someone cut her finger taking out her knives for our class.

I admit that I had a tiny run-in with my peeler, but as Chef put it, my fruit salad was still vegan.

Also, when your orange segments are uneven because some segments are naturally smaller than others, you leave out the small ones.  I wish I had known that before I put in all the segments into the salad.  I was also glad that I didn't like some of the fruits so I didn't get marked for them.  Chef checked our cutting by going through our bowls and showing us what was good and what wasn't (pith on orange segments- not good; pieces being uniform size - good; flat spots on the melon balls - not good).

According to Chef, when you remove only the green part of the strawberry stem (instead of cutting of the stem end) - you are either being punished or you are really bored and lonely.  If they tell you to do this, evidently you tell them to do it themselves.  If I weren't so tired, I might know whether or not this was a joke, but since I can't keep my eyes open...which is also my excuse for any grammatical and spelling lapses in this post.

By the by, I will put up photos of my knives because they are so pretty.  Unfortunately the school gave out the card for only one engraver, with the result that he has 32 pieces (or so) for each student. He claimed today to have missed only one item in the time that he has been doing this, but to bring back any items he missed - so I will take him my spoon sometime soon.  At least 20 people got their sets yesterday and we all have to have our knives for class, so he has been very busy.

The patisserie students get to lighten the load by taking some of the knives out of the kit (for example, the meat cleaver is not required in patisserie).

Sugar work and hand testing
We did an infused syrup and a caramelly syrup (whose technical name I can't remember at the moment because I am brain dead and my notes are in my locker).

We left the cardamom out of our infused syrup but used the vanilla, cloves, orange and lemon peels, cinnamon and whatever else my teammates put in it.  It tastes amazing - and I have some of it in the fridge along with my fruit salad in which there is no banana or mango because I don't like them.  Ah the advantage of making your own - you only put in what you like.

You may wonder what hand testing is.  It was really freaky the first time I did it and I got scolded for lifting my hand out of the melted sugar solution too fast and for not getting enough of it in my hand.  So - you put your hand in a bowl of ice water, then smoothly and in motion, quickly dip your hand into the melted sugar syrup (3 parts sugar, 1 part water and boiling by now) and grab a bit, then back into the ice water.  Yes, sugar has a very high boiling point.  Yes, it is creepy.  Yes, it is also really cool to have the sugar in your hand turn into a little ball (soft or hard, depending on the temperature of the sugar in the pot) and then to play with it.  Also cool to be able to do this and not have to use our thermometer, although you can if you want to.

We didn't really turn it into caramel, much less turn it into pretty nets/baskets/spirals  because we were running out of time, but at least now we know the theory.

Dinner!
So that was our first day.  We finished just after 8pm.  There was a group of us (six) who were starving and none of us had anyone anxiously waiting for us to get home, so we went out for dinner at a Morrocan Place on James Street, near St Christopher Place.  I think the general misconception is that we are cooking all day so we wouldn't need to eat at home because we would eat what we cooked.  Well, not quite.  There's just enough time to set up, prep, cook, clean and get feedback.  Depending on the day, there might be another class (!) - and you're not supposed to eat in a demo.  You don't have time to eat in a prac unless it's to taste.  So we took home our fruit salads.

Note to self:  pack (large?) clear tupperware to take to class and a plastic bag to carry our food in.

So until next time, happy eating.  Hmmm, I've already brushed my teeth but now I am thinking about that fruit salad - especially the sauce.  Who knew that a syrup could make fruit taste so good?  Ugh, never mind.  I'd have to get out of bed and it is so comfortable here...

Oh - and last tip re tomatoes.  Chef F told us that tomato skins are acidic, which is why he likes to peel tomatoes before putting them in salads.  I'm sure there are people who already knew this, but it was news to me.